Miscarriage: An Open Letter To All Women
Whether you came here to read this because you yourself have had a miscarriage, you know someone who has, or you’re scared of it happening to you, I want to start by saying that shame has no home here. Creating life is no small feat.
Dear beautiful, childbearing goddess:
It is not your fault.
You did nothing wrong.
Your body is amazing. It did what it needed to do to keep you and your unborn baby safe. Sometimes that means heartbreak and devastation. I know it’s easy to blame your body for the horrific crime of taking your precious unborn baby away from you, but please don’t. I’ll say it again, you’re body is amazing. Keep nurturing it and sending it so much love. It was just looking out for you.
I went through a miscarriage. My husband and I got pregnant on our honeymoon, the very first time we tried to conceive. It seemed too easy. I had an awful first pregnancy experience with my doctor which made everything so much worse when I miscarried at 8 weeks.
I had so many negative thoughts swarming in my head. Will I continue to have miscarriages? Will I be able to get pregnant so easily again? Will I be able to get pregnant again at all? These were all very rational questions and concerns I had. But what wasn’t rational was for me to blame myself.
My body was smart enough to realize that something was wrong. Maybe it was something with the baby, maybe it was something with my womb or the egg or maybe my body sensed that it really wasn’t supposed to happen that fast for us. Regardless of the reason, my body was looking out for me and my baby.
I’ve made peace with the memories.
We had already taken announcement photos for our first pregnancy. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought about just deleting these photos because I didn’t want to be reminded of the loss, but I’m so happy I didn’t.
Shortly after my miscarriage, one of my best friends asked me “what could I have done to help better support you through your miscarriage?”. I didn’t have an answer for her then, and I still don’t. Everyone deals with trauma in different ways, and each trauma is different as well. Just knowing that there are people in my life who are willing to do whatever it takes to help support me through it was enough for me.
Most women are afraid to share their pregnancy news until they enter their 2nd trimester for fear of having to explain to anyone that they miscarried. Please don’t every feel like that’s something you need to hide, because then you’re selling yourself short of allowing others to support you through your hard time, just as they would support you through your joy of pregnancy. You’re not alone, mama.
It would be easy to approach every future pregnancy with fear and skepticism, but what good would that bring? When we spend too much time worrying about the what if’s for the entire first trimester, that doesn’t leave any time for our future babe to feel our love. Send your babe all your love right from that first time you see the positive pregnancy test and have faith that everything will happen as it should. Trust yourself and trust your body.
If you’ve experienced miscarriage before, I see you, and I send love to you and your amazing body.
