Ditching The All-Or-Nothing Mentality
Have you ever tried a restrictive diet where you couldn’t have specific foods or needed to drastically cut down consumption of a macro-nutrient (fat, protein or carbohydrate)? Chances are, you’ve done that at least once in your life… I know I have! While on this restrictive diet, have you ever “fallen off the wagon” and treated yourself to something that you shouldn’t have, and then said “whelp, I guess my diet is ruined for the day/week/month”? If you’ve fallen victim to this “all-or-nothing” mentality when it comes to your health, keep reading!
I honestly don’t know a single person who hasn’t experienced this before. Turns out, it’s a cognitive distortion, where we automatically interpret a situation that causes us to not consider other ways of thinking about it. We are so quick to judge and shame ourselves for not completely and wholly committing to something that it makes it much easier to give up all together. This is not a sustainable way of living, especially when it comes to your health.
Most don’t have a black-and-white view of the world as a whole, so why do almost all of us have this view when it comes to nutrition and fitness? Think about it, if you were to go see a movie and it was terrible, would you stop watching movies altogether? When it comes to our health, we fall into this vicious cycle of strict deprivation>overindulgence>guilt>repeat. This mindset is not only harmful to our bodies, it’s damaging to our self-worth.
So, how do we break this cycle? By finding your balance and being kind to yourself. When you want to “eat healthier”, that should mean finding out what makes your body feel amazing and energized, not what restrictive diet your friend Barb tried and lost 20lbs on (and chances are, Barb will end up falling off her wagon and gaining it all back). It means baby steps. It means lifestyle change. It means recognizing that guilt and shame are not the emotions that cultivate positive change in your life.
Here are a few ways to change the vicious cycle of the all-or-nothing mindset:
Find your balance: It’s only considered indulging if you classify it as a reward or attach guilt to it.
This is where you will be able to detach from guilt and shame. Whenever you end up “indulging” in something that’s not super healthy, don’t attach anything to it other than joy. In fact, don’t even consider it “indulging”. There is no guilt in sight, but there also shouldn’t be over-glorification. Try not to “justify” the indulgence because you “were so good with your diet this week” or you “went to the gym 5 times”. It shouldn’t be a reward, it should just be pure joy. I ate a donut this morning, right before I wrote this blog post, and right after I went to the gym. I can’t remember the last time I had a donut, but I’ve been thinking about having one for about a week now. Finally I said “I’m gonna have a damn donut today”. Not because I “deserved it”, or because I just went to the gym and burned calories so I figured I could have it, but because I wanted the damn donut. I enjoyed every second of it.
In earlier years, I would have felt SUPER guilty about eating a donut right after a workout and would attach shame to it, saying “well that workout was a total waste now” or “I just need to workout even harder tomorrow to burn it off”. But if you attach those negative thoughts and emotions to it, there was no point in having the donut in the first place. Just enjoy the damn donut!
Don’t deprive yourself on a daily basis: Make small changes over a longer period of time rather than committing to a program that will drastically change your lifestyle.
We didn’t get “unhealthy” overnight, so why do we all assume that we can get “healthy” overnight? This is probably the biggest factor when it comes to falling victim of the all-or-nothing cycle. We don’t see the quick, drastic change that we all so desperately want, so we give up. When we take things slow and change one thing about our lifestyle at a time, we are much more likely to see lasting change. This means being kind to yourself and your body, allowing room for change and growth along the way.
Use the words “better” and “worse” instead of “good” and “bad”: labeling anything as “bad” automatically attaches shame and guilt.
Simply changing the label you put on foods can drastically change the emotions you attach to them. You can easily recognize when something is better or worse for you. When you have something that you’ve labeled as “bad” for you, that’s when the negative emotions and self-doubt start to creep in. But if you recognize it as just a “worse” option, then you’re able to take ownership of your decision rather than attaching judgment to it.
If you’re struggling to get started with trying to ditch this mindset, start with the mantra “something is better than nothing”. If you try going to the gym 5 days/week when you were going zero days/week before, don’t completely give up just because you only made it twice this week…something is better than nothing. If you intend bring a bagged lunch to work each day but then you have two crazy hectic mornings and just didn’t have time to make it, don’t give up for the rest of the week. Try again the next day…something is better than nothing. It’s a long journey, so be patient and kind with yourself and your body. Keep going!